Life in the fast lane...

Why walking on the NYC sidewalks are like driving down the NJ turnpike....There are some unspoken rules about walking on a New York City sidewalk. For the most part, tourists keep to the sidewalks (the right hand lane) and city folk keep to the streets (the fast lane). Now, the streets are technically meant for the bikes, cars, cabs, Pedi-cabs, carriages, trucks and maniacal drivers who drive the city streets day in and day out, but for the brave few who treacherously venture from the safe (but slow) sidewalks into the fast lane bike aisle of the New York City streets, its a gift from God himself.

Here's the thing. Trying to walk, I mean shuffle, down the sidewalk on any given commuting day is like trying to get my 80 year old grandmother to use her walker. Its faster to pick up Grams and haul her 85 lb butt from the car to the house with walker in tow. You'll save yourself 45 minutes. My walk from 42nd and 8th to 49th and 8th is only 7 blocks, which on a normal day by sidewalk will take 15 - 20 minute depending on which traffic lights I choose to obey. But if I hop down to the fast lane, I'm there in easily, 7-10.

Why, do you ask?

1. Sidewalk walkers have no sense of urgency. Much like turnpike right lane lovers, they keep to the posted speed and pace of traffic and stop at every flashing hand that cautions them from crossing. I learned early on to watch the cars, not the signals. These guys just slow me down.


2. Sidewalk walkers weave. You'd never think it to be true, but these guys are the drunk drivers of the sidewalk. They can't just pick a side and stay there. Oh no my friend. You get stuck behind one of these dizzy walkers and you'll find yourself in a one person square dance with disaster.


3. Sidewalk walkers hug the yellow line. Yep, not only are they slow, drunk and overly aware of traffic signals, they hug the middle of the freaking sidewalk. Try to get around one of these guys when you're trapped in a narrow construction area or under an awning. You might as well pull over for coffee and wait it out. Nothing you can do.


4. And finally, they slam on their breaks. Can't tell you how many unfortunate rear end collisions, and I do mean unfortunate, I've had with people. They're walking at a good clip and then SCREECH.....SLAM. Did I know you'd find the fake Statue of Liberty at the I Love NY t-shirt store a good photo opportunity?! No. License and registration please.
   

So my friends, my advice to you is to stay clear of all sidewalks when possible. Especially on a rainy day. And...please don't get me started on the escalators.