Beautiful on the outside

There are many times I've played "verbally abusive girlfriend" to the city of New York. I've complained about, yelled at, sworn at and even broken up with Manhattan in the past 4 years I've lived up here, but always come crawling back with flowers asking for forgiveness.

When we make the commute from the Bloom to the City each day, we tend to have our heads stuck in books, blackberrys and are pecking frantic emails to work explaining that we'll be late yet again due to "traffic on 3 leading to the Tunnel".

But there is a moment, each day when, as the bus rounds the overpass towards the belly of the Lincoln Tunnel that everyone looks up towards the Manhattan skyline. Even if for just a moment. The NYC skyline is breathtaking; full of history, life, first-kisses, drama and sadly even death.

But as ugly as the city can be on any given day, it is truly beautiful on the outside.

the saddistic side of sample sales

It is probably common place for NYC women to scour their favorite designers sites for sample sale info and to stand in line outside in 30 degree weather to save $200 or more on this seasons latest, vintage inspired and still way too overpriced look.

It is not common place for me, however. But when I stumbled across a DVF sample sale I was instantly reminded that a very good friend of mine had once uttered, "I'll know when I've made it when I can buy a DVF wrapdress." I was in full support of this dream and off we went to 5th Avenue, the mecca of NYC style and high end fashion.

The very words "sample sale" to me scream, "suck it in because its tiny" and I don't know what I was thinking trying to cram what I like to refer as my "Marilyn-Monroe-Wore-A-Size-14" body into a DVF dress, but I walked into the mayhem that ensued anyway.

Dozens of NYC girls clad in patterened leggings, minis and boots clamoring over one another to grab the sample pieces and spring dresses is what we saw and we reluctantly handed over our bags and coats and begin scouring.

I find a few "my tag says 14 but I'm really a size 6" dresses and we head to what we think are the fitting rooms. But what we find is not multiple rooms but one large fitting room complete with runway-esque mayhem.

Doe eyed and terrified I scan the room to see half naked women in teeny tiny thongs and lacy bras pulling on shirts and tugging on pants.

"Yeah," I say to A, "I don't know if I can do this." My bra seems about as stylish as a salvation army swimsuit top and this ass hasn't seen a thong in, hmm, about a year. There was no way me and my Grannies were stripping down in front of these Louis Vuitton wallet carrying women in their size 4 sweaters. So, I did what any body conscious woman would do. I tried a dress on over my cami and stared straight at the wall. Nope, didn't fit. I wasn't dropping my pants, so I tried an old trick of wrapping the waist band of a skirt around my neck to see if there was hope and nope!

Defeated, I pull on my bulky grey sweater and head out of the hellish fitting room back to the racks. I ponder over a $30 pair of DVF leggings before I remember that I just paid $7 for a new pair a week ago.

As I looked around at the tiny girls with armloads of fashionable finds, I start to feel a sense of happiness that I didn't eat the black and white cookie I craved today. And well, my husband will feel happiness upon reading this because my Amex is safe from debt.

So who cares if that amazing DVF dress didn't fit? I felt lucky to have the means to buy it if it did, and a great friend to have experienced the evening with. And the best part was that she did find her wrap dress, and I couldn't have been happier for her. She has made it :)

Anyway, I think I'll stick to sample sales of purses and shoes from now on. At least I know they'll fit-and I don't have to take off much to try them on.

In New York...concrete jungle where dreams are made of...

I'm really digging the "Empire State" song by JayZ and Alicia Keys. It's inspiring to hear a song that represents New York so well, the good and the bad. But I'm listening to the lyrics again and they got me thinking. JayZ quotes Frankie when he says "If I can make it there, I can make it anywhere" and I believe that to be true.

But what does it mean to "make it"? And how do you know if you have?

On paper it probably reads that I've "made it"....does it?

• Amazing husband
• Great friends
• Glamorous NYC Job
• Better than average salary
• House in the 'burbs
• 2.5 dogs
• SUV

Have I done it? Have I achieved the American Dream? Has NYC helped me get there? I'm tempted to say....

wait for it....

No!

Despite the glamour that comes with working and living in / near NYC, I can't help but wonder if something else is missing. Working in NYC is hard. The commute sucks. Its literally a concrete jungle. People are mean. The streets are mean. It's incredibly frustrating, especially walking through Tourist ridden Times Square.

So yes, maybe we've 'made it', but it doesn't make it right. There's got to be a better quality of life out there that lets go of the monotony of black clothing, taxis and sirens, overpriced drinks and impossible to get into restaurants. Where does that all exist?

I think, that after the time spent in NYC I've become a stronger person; perhaps it's been better for my career, but it's also made me a bit more cynical and pessimistic than I'd like to admit. So I think the time has come to search for greener pastures. Perhaps I'm ready to make it anywhere else but here.